{"id":3453,"date":"2022-01-12T18:41:16","date_gmt":"2022-01-12T18:41:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/?p=3453"},"modified":"2022-01-12T18:50:27","modified_gmt":"2022-01-12T18:50:27","slug":"how-to-be-assertive-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/how-to-be-assertive-at-work\/","title":{"rendered":"A Simple Guide to Assertiveness in the Workplace"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>None of us likes to be unheard or dismissed at work\u2014to have our views undermined and brushed off. Unfortunately, that\u2019s the case for lots of people in the modern workplace. On the bright side, changing the way your colleagues treat you isn\u2019t really that complicated\u2014a little assertiveness will definitely improve things.<\/p>\n<p>Learning to stand up for yourself and be more assertive are essential skills that will help you become more confident, which, as a result, will fast-track you for promotion and greater self-esteem.<\/p>\n<p>In this blog post, we\u2019ll explore what assertiveness is, why it\u2019s useful, and what you should do to become a more determined worker.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s dive right in, shall we?<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3460\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/What-does-it-mean-to-be-assertive.png\" alt=\"What does it mean to be assertive\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/What-does-it-mean-to-be-assertive.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/What-does-it-mean-to-be-assertive-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/What-does-it-mean-to-be-assertive-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"what_does_it_mean_to_be_assertive\"><\/span>What does it mean to be assertive?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Fundamentally, being assertive means that you\u2019re prepared to stand up for the things you consider right while also being calm, composed, and polite.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, not all of us are born or raised to be assertive, but the good part is that this is a trainable skill\u2014and a very important one, too, especially at work.<\/p>\n<p>The function of assertiveness is to defend your boundaries and have control over how others interact with you.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine being called out for a mistake you\u2019ve made in a meeting\u2014it\u2019s definitely something neither of us would like to experience. Being assertive isn\u2019t about denying that you\u2019ve made a mistake or calling the person that called you out a jerk for doing so. The main idea here is to privately and politely ask them to raise issues with you in person instead of penalizing you in front of a large group of people.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"assertiveness_%e2%89%a0_being_a_jerk\"><\/span>Assertiveness \u2260 being a jerk<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Finding the middle ground between assertiveness and aggression can be demanding at first. If you happen to be a person that isn\u2019t as confident when it comes to standing your ground, it may take a while till you find the right balance\u2014and that\u2019s totally okay. Mindfulness is key here.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, let\u2019s explore the difference between aggression and assertiveness.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Assertiveness is all about your rights and the rights of others. The point here is to be straightforward and honest about the things you want while also taking into account the rights and needs of the people that surround you. An assertive person aims to communicate their preferences in a firm and respectful manner.<\/li>\n<li>Being aggressive is about being \u201cright\u201d and disregarding the needs and feelings of the people around you. It has little to do with expressing your preferences. Instead, the focus is on getting people to do what you want.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Picture this: Your boss approaches you at the end of your workday before you go on vacation. They give you an urgent task and tell you that it should be delivered ASAP. You\u2019re in a situation where you can be passive, aggressive, or assertive.<\/p>\n<p>Clearly, this is a situation where you\u2019re forced to do something at an inappropriate time with pretty much no regard for your comfort. You could either choose to accept the assignment despite it interfering with your plans or politely let them know that the task at hand will be delivered once you\u2019re back from your vacation. This way, you acknowledge the importance of the assignment, but on your own terms.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3461\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/The-value-of-assertiveness.png\" alt=\"The value of assertiveness\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/The-value-of-assertiveness.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/The-value-of-assertiveness-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/The-value-of-assertiveness-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"the_value_of_assertiveness\"><\/span>The value of assertiveness<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Aside from providing you with more control over your life at work and outside of it, assertiveness also makes a person generally more confident. Think of it this way\u2014an assertive person is typically prepared to handle any conflict that comes their way at work.<\/p>\n<p>As good as that may seem, the path to becoming more assertive doesn\u2019t necessarily start at the things that a person needs to learn. Instead, it\u2019s the things that they have to unlearn.<\/p>\n<p>Below, you\u2019ll find a list of obstacles that prevent people from being assertive at work:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Not knowing what you really want.<\/li>\n<li>Lacking clarity in terms of your emotions and mistaking genuine disagreement for anger or aggression.<\/li>\n<li>You feel like your needs aren\u2019t that important.<\/li>\n<li>You strive to be liked by everyone at all costs.<\/li>\n<li>You get flustered in uncomfortable situations.<\/li>\n<li>You feel like your skillset is inferior to your peers\u2019.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019ve been criticized way too much in the past.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019re afraid that you\u2019ll push people away by disagreeing with them.<\/li>\n<li>You suffer from impostor syndrome.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019re scared of being challenged.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019re afraid that the person that you disagree with will retaliate.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Take a look at some of the blockers above and identify whether one of some of them might be true for you. The path to assertiveness starts with being aware of obstacles you\u2019re facing on a daily basis and will allow you to better differentiate between assertiveness and aggressiveness.<\/p>\n<p>By gradually becoming more confident and aware of your wants and needs you\u2019ll be able to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Experience an increase in self-esteem and self-respect.<\/li>\n<li>Tackle conflicts with more confidence.<\/li>\n<li>Satisfy your needs without disregarding the needs of others.<\/li>\n<li>Make better and quicker decisions.<\/li>\n<li>Become a better mediator and negotiator.<\/li>\n<li>Develop leadership skills.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Learning to be assertive in the workplace will definitely benefit your interactions outside work. Many of us find saying \u201cno\u201d extremely complicated to people\u2014and unfortunately, the so-called \u201cyes syndrome\u201d harms our colleagues along with ourselves. This is why it\u2019s critical to learn to refuse people\u2019s requests and accept that saying \u201cno\u201d isn\u2019t a sign of weakness.<\/p>\n<p>Consequently, failing to learn to be assertive can lead to decreased productivity, harmed relationships, and increased chance of burning out.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3462\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-path-to-assertive-behavior.png\" alt=\"A path to assertive behavior\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-path-to-assertive-behavior.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-path-to-assertive-behavior-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-path-to-assertive-behavior-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"a_path_to_assertive_behavior\"><\/span>A path to assertive behavior<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>What can assertive behavior look like in the workplace? Let\u2019s explore five examples so that you can learn how to be assertive at work.<\/p>\n<h3>1. Be honest<\/h3>\n<p>An essential component of assertive behavior is honesty. Being able to communicate how you feel in a straightforward manner in a respectful way is the first step towards confidence in the workplace.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine that the company you work in has rolled out a new set of rules or requirements that you strongly disagree with. As a member of the company\u2019s workforce, you\u2019re entitled to let them know that you have reservations regarding the changes they\u2019re about to roll out.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s important to pack your dissent with strong arguments in order for it to be received constructively. Not only will this help you communicate how you feel about the issue at hand, but it will also emphasize your critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which will, as a result, make it more complicated to simply dismiss your standpoint on the matter.<\/p>\n<h3>2. Gaze confidently<\/h3>\n<p>Eye contact is mysterious\u2014it has a very powerful effect on humans. Typically, eye contact is a display of confidence. On the other hand, avoiding it suggests that you\u2019re looking to avoid confrontation, which can invite some people to take advantage of that.<\/p>\n<p>Looking people in the eye is also very useful because it triggers a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/263812524_Eye_contact_elicits_bodily_self-awareness_in_human_adults\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">heightened sense of self-consciousness<\/a> in them\u2014they immediately become more aware of the situation they\u2019re in, as well as understand how their interlocutors feel.<\/p>\n<p>Research has shown this by requesting that the participants of the study describe their reactions to a variety of images, both pleasant and unpleasant. The interesting part of the research design is that some of the images were preceded by pictures of people, some that make direct eye contact, others looking away. Researchers found that people typically have a stronger bodily response to images when they\u2019re subjected to another person\u2019s gaze.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, it\u2019s safe to say that when people make eye contact, both parties experience a heightened sense of awareness of both their feelings and the situation. Politely rejecting someone\u2019s request while also looking them in the eye will help you communicate your feelings more effectively.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3463\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Take-personal-responsibility.png\" alt=\"Take personal responsibility\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Take-personal-responsibility.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Take-personal-responsibility-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Take-personal-responsibility-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3>3. Take personal responsibility<\/h3>\n<p>Assertiveness allows us to establish boundaries and communicate our preferences and feelings. However, there\u2019s another side to this coin\u2014taking responsibility when you make mistakes.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, when we choose to stand our ground, we read the situation incorrectly, and we make choices that weren\u2019t properly calculated, and that\u2019s totally fine. To err is human. However, it\u2019s critical in such situations to acknowledge your mistakes. Holding others accountable means that we should hold ourselves accountable as well.<\/p>\n<h3>4. Get everyone to agree<\/h3>\n<p>As we mentioned above, assertiveness isn\u2019t just about being right or winning in a particular situation. Instead, it\u2019s a behavior that helps you underline your wants and needs and find an amicable solution to a problem. Therefore, whenever you choose to stand your ground on a certain topic, make sure that the people involved agree with your decision because your choice affects them as well.<\/p>\n<h3>5. Think beyond yourself<\/h3>\n<p>Being assertive doesn\u2019t mean that you should also be self-centered. Making confident decisions about what you think is better means that you have to balance what you think is good for yourself and the collective that you\u2019re a part of.<\/p>\n<p>In order to become an assertive person, you should take pride in what you do, but also what your coworkers do as a team.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3464\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-practical-guide-to-assertiveness.png\" alt=\"A practical guide to assertiveness\" width=\"862\" height=\"386\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-practical-guide-to-assertiveness.png 862w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-practical-guide-to-assertiveness-300x134.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/A-practical-guide-to-assertiveness-768x344.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"a_practical_guide_to_assertiveness\"><\/span>A practical guide to assertiveness<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Now that we\u2019ve explored some of the things that will help us become more assertive, it\u2019s time to take a closer look at some practical steps we can take to stand our ground in a confident and convincing manner.<\/p>\n<h3>Express how you feel<\/h3>\n<p>It\u2019s complicated to get your point across if you don\u2019t explain how certain situations make you feel. Let\u2019s go back to our previous example where your boss asks you to deliver a huge task hours before you leave on vacation. Imagine standing your ground in this situation without telling them how this decision affects your quality of life\u2014that wouldn\u2019t be really productive.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, you can say something along the lines of: \u201cThis is insane, I can\u2019t do this now,\u201d or, \u201cDo you seriously expect me to do this,\u201d but it\u2019s safe to say that it wouldn\u2019t take you anywhere and would only harm your relationship with your manager.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, consider saying: \u201cI\u2019m afraid I won\u2019t be able to handle this amount of work in such a short time. But I\u2019ll make sure to have it done when I\u2019m back.\u201d Doing so in a poised and confident manner will most likely allow your boss to empathize with your situation by understanding your perspective.<\/p>\n<p>Using \u201cI\u201d statements is also very useful when trying to avoid putting the blame on someone else. Assertive people don\u2019t point fingers. They communicate their point of view.<\/p>\n<p>Think of a situation where a colleague of yours uses something that belongs to you without your consent, like a coffee mug, for instance. Instead of saying: \u201cHave you ever considered buying your own coffee mug,\u201d tell them how you feel about it\u2014something along the lines of: \u201cI feel really uncomfortable that you\u2019re using my cup.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>Let your body speak<\/h3>\n<p>Body language is an invaluable tool in communication. It helps people decode what the other person is saying with a greater degree of confidence. Similarly, it enables us to interpret other people\u2019s moods and feelings.<\/p>\n<p>To be assertive, we need to make use of body language to accentuate our confidence. Here are a few simple tips to help you get your point across:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A confident posture starts with your feet\u2014plant them in an open, wide stance.<\/li>\n<li>Keep your chin and head up.<\/li>\n<li>If you\u2019re standing, stand straight.<\/li>\n<li>Keep your hands out of your pocket.<\/li>\n<li>Maintain eye contact.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3465\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Saying-no-is-an-immutable-right.png\" alt=\"Saying \u201cno\u201d is an immutable right\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Saying-no-is-an-immutable-right.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Saying-no-is-an-immutable-right-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Saying-no-is-an-immutable-right-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3>Saying \u201cno\u201d is an immutable right<\/h3>\n<p>It can be hard to say \u201cno.\u201d We often associate it with disappointing people, making them uncomfortable and unhappy, but that\u2019s not necessarily true. The crucial part is how you deliver it\u2014and sometimes, being straightforward is the way to go.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine being asked to come in on a Saturday without being paid extra. The briefer and the more honest you are, the more confident the message is going to be. Instead of saying: \u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019ll be able to,\u201d consider saying: \u201cNo. I really don\u2019t think that\u2019s fair.\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>Practice makes perfect<\/h3>\n<p>Many of us know what it means to be assertive. It\u2019s not like everyone\u2019s been hiding it from us our entire lives. Not everyone is confident enough by default. On the bright side, it\u2019s a skill you can learn pretty quickly.<\/p>\n<p>Practice assertive behavior alone in front of the mirror or with a friend. This will allow you to quickly learn to be straightforward and honest in conversations.<\/p>\n<h3>Keep your emotions in check<\/h3>\n<p>At first, it might be complicated to find the right emotional balance when being assertive at work, and that\u2019s to be expected. When we learn to behave in a new way, things might not go as smoothly as we might expect them to, but that\u2019s a crucial part of the path.<\/p>\n<p>During these interactions, it\u2019s essential to keep in mind that these are \u201cinter-actions,\u201d meaning that there are two parties in this dialogue. Speak your mind, but also make sure you listen to the person you\u2019re communicating with.<\/p>\n<p>The best way to ensure that is to remain mindful of the conversation and not let feelings get the best of you. During complicated conversations, we can often experience a wide array of negative emotions like anger or annoyance\u2014but rest assured, these are never productive. Whenever you feel frustrated, take a second to contemplate the fact that you\u2019re frustrated, think about the most appropriate answer and then proceed with communicating it.<\/p>\n<h3>Assertiveness isn\u2019t about control<\/h3>\n<p>We mentioned above that assertive behavior is, first and foremost, a means to communicate how you feel and make sure that your opinion is taken into account and respected. This, however, does not entail manipulating others.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3466\" src=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Positive-mental-attitude.png\" alt=\"Positive mental attitude\" width=\"860\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Positive-mental-attitude.png 860w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Positive-mental-attitude-300x138.png 300w, https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Positive-mental-attitude-768x354.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 706px) 89vw, (max-width: 767px) 82vw, 740px\" \/><\/p>\n<h3>Positive mental attitude<\/h3>\n<p>A very useful little trick to keep in mind when practicing assertive communication is sticking to positive sentences. Framing a sentence in a polite yet straightforward manner will prevent you from delving into aggression territory.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s absolutely vital to treat people with respect, even if they ask you to \u201ccome in on Saturday\u201d without being paid for your extra hours. This will allow you to navigate complicated and unpleasant situations gracefully.<\/p>\n<h3>Start small<\/h3>\n<p>It\u2019s always a good idea to practice assertive behavior in less risky situations and environments. Starting with your manager or CEO may not be the best call. However, you can always practice with people that are close to you, a significant other or a friend.<\/p>\n<p>You also don\u2019t have to stand your ground on important subjects, for instance choosing a place to have dinner or coffee is a good start.<\/p>\n<h3>The semantics of confidence<\/h3>\n<p>We discussed how we should communicate in an assertive manner. We\u2019ve also touched on your posture and body language and how they help you appear assertive. However, we should also bear in mind that there are many words in our vocabularies that affect how the things we say are perceived.<\/p>\n<p>For instance, think of the word \u201cjust.\u201d We use it a lot, but it also injects an element of uncertainty into a person\u2019s discourse. \u201cI just thought that\u201d or \u201cI was just wondering\u201d are both equally safe and polite expressions to use, but the word \u201cjust\u201d make them appear a bit insecure\u2014which is something we want to avoid during assertive communication because it may look like we\u2019re looking for confirmation.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s also important to pay close attention to your tone when communicating assertively. Typically, people raise their intonation at the end of a question. However, people often do that with declarative sentences when they seek the approval of the people they\u2019re interacting with.<\/p>\n<div style=\"background-color: #eaeffc;\">\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"the_bottom_line\"><\/span>The bottom line<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Assertiveness can help you meet your wants and needs so you can be happier in your workplace.<\/p>\n<p>It can also help you gain the respect of your peers and move forward in your career.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>None of us likes to be unheard or dismissed at work\u2014to have our views undermined and brushed off. Unfortunately, that\u2019s the case for lots of people in the modern workplace. On the bright side, changing the way your colleagues treat you isn\u2019t really that complicated\u2014a little assertiveness will definitely improve things. Learning to stand up &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.teamly.com\/blog\/how-to-be-assertive-at-work\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;A Simple Guide to Assertiveness in the Workplace&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":3459,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-best-practices"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to be Assertive at Work - A Simple Guide<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being assertive can help you meet your wants and needs so you can be happier in your workplace. 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